I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my phone needs a breathalizer
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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