gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
