I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
