Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
