we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
