she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
