I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
