Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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