i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
