Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
