Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
