I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
