And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
