That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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