I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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