We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
