a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
how drunk are you?
Several
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
