This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
