Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
