The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
