I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
