I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
either way he was missing a nipple.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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