garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
someone threw a dead crab at me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
