On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
