He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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