someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
