I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
