I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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