farters have to be the big spoon...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
