Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
