We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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