i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your penis caused this!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
