The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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