Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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