Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
