Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
