I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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