i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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