I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
