I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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