I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
