It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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