i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
