she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
