Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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