I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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