Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
