found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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