DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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