I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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