The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
