Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
